Talking about gender identity with kids

Gender identity has become a hot topic in recent years, and especially in the past few months as states like Texas and Florida have taken aim at transgender youth and their parents. These unfair and frankly anti humanitarian laws and regulations have put transgender children and their families in danger.

Already the statistics are not good for trans youth. According to The Trevor Project’s 2021 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health, 52% of transgender and nonbinary youth considered suicide last year. Establishing open communication with your child is a good way to protect them from feeling isolated and alone.

No matter how your child identifies, it is always important to keep them informed about different types of people so that they are set up for success later in life. Open perspectives are beneficial for childhood development and growth.

To help you keep your child safe and informed, the team at Sawyer wants to outline the resources that we use with our own families to talk about gender identity and different types of family structures. We also wanted to include some organizations to learn about and support who are helping to protect transgender youth in light of anti-trans laws.

Children’s books about gender identity

If you have younger children, you can start teaching them this important information by reading some of these children’s books about gender identity. Here are some of our favorites!

It Feels Good to Be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity by Theresa Thorn

This is a great book for children of all ages interested in learning about gender identity. It is straightforward, using child-friendly language and fun images to help little ones learn the basics. Some people are girls, some are boys, some are both, and some are neither! By gaining the right language to talk about these topics, parents and children alike open the doors for effective communication.

When Aidan Became a Brother by Kyle Lukoff

This is a lovely children’s book that follows the life of Aidan. When he was born, everyone thought he was a girl, but soon he realized he was not. He spoke with his parents and they worked together to make his life match his gender identity. Then, his parents announce that he is going to have a new sibling and Aidan wants to do what he can to be the best big brother he can be. This book is perfect for children exploring their own gender identity as well as children who are going to become older siblings.

Julián Is a Mermaid by Jessica Love

In this picture book, Julián sees three women dressed as mermaids and realizes he, too, wants to dress like that. While he is worried about what his abuela might say, he follows his heart and the adults in his life support him. This is a great book because it focuses on exploring gender expression and features a main character of color.

Princess Dinosaur by Daniel Kibblesmith

In this fun story, Princess Dinosaur loves to wear her pink dress and have tea parties, but also loves to roar and make big messes. Luckily, nothing is stopping her from embodying both her masculine and feminine sides so that she can be her fullest self! Children often look at the world in black and white, so this book will help them see that they don’t just need to be one thing. They can enjoy all aspects of their gender identities and express themselves however they want.

Jack (Not Jackie) by Erica Silverman

Another picture book with great illustrations, Jack (Not Jackie) follows the story of Susan and her younger sibling who prefers to play in the dirt, wear short hair, and go by Jack, not Jackie. As Susan tries to understand the changes in her sibling, her mom explains that Jack is still the same person, despite how he identifies. This is a great option for children who have a transgender or nonbinary friend or sibling.

Movies and TV shows with LGBTQ characters for kids

If you are looking for some other types of content to help your child understand gender identity and expression, check out some of these movies and TV shows with transgender characters for kids.

The Owl House (Disney+)

This fun and imaginative TV show follows Luz, a girl who finds another realm and begins to study under a witch so she can become one, too. Luz has a female love interest and interacts often with another witch who is nonbinary. It’s a great show to introduce children to different gender identities and sexualities.

Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (Netflix)

In a dystopian world where Earth is ruled by beasts, humans live underground. But when Kipo’s home is destroyed, she needs to navigate on her own. She meets a variety of characters including an openly gay character and a nonbinary person who ends up dating Kipo.

Tyler (YouTube)

This short film features 9 year old Tyler as he navigates coming out to his family. It is a great conversation starter for families who are looking to develop a means for open communication with elementary-aged students and even those who are younger.

Pink Boy (Online)

Another short film, Pink Boy follows a 6 year old boy in rural Florida who starts wearing dresses and performing in front of his family. The 15 minute documentary shows the joy that comes with self-expression and can help parents discover the ways they can protect their children in case of anti-trans discrimination from peers.

After you and your child have explored the beauty of gender identity and expression, you might want to talk to them about how you can work together to protect children and adults who identify as trans and nonbinary.

When you talk to your child about difficult topics, like the anti trans laws being passed in Texas, Florida, and Indiana, it is important to keep communication clear and age appropriate. You want them to be informed, but not scared. If you find that your child is experiencing anxiety after hearing what is happening, validate their feelings and then redirect their emotions into efforts to help.

Organizations that help trans youth

You can suggest that you and your child work together to raise money to donate to an organization that is working to protect trans and nonbinary youth. Here are some organizations that team members at Sawyer are supporting.

Trans Lifeline: Run by and for trans people, it provides peer support for all aspects of trans life and issues.
The Trevor Project: One of the most well known organizations providing support to LGBTQ youth.
Gender Spectrum: Free online groups for LGBTQ pre-teens, teens, parents, caregivers, and other family members and adults.
Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund: Providing litigation and legal support to trans individuals and their families.
Transgender Education Network of Texas: Working to halt discrimination for trans people, including youth, in Texas.
ACLU of Texas: The Texas branch of the ACLU, which is fighting legal battles to dismantle the laws harming Texas trans youth.
Equality Florida: The TransAction branch of Equality Florida is working to protect transgender and nonbinary people, especially in communities of color.
Zebra Coalition: A network of organizations which provide services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and all youth (LGBTQ+) ages 13 – 24.
Dear Queer Kid: A newsletter-based project connecting awesome queer adults to queer kids through monthly heartfelt letters.

If you are looking for more guidance on how to effectively talk to your child about difficult topics, like conversations around race and COVID-19, check out the resources we offer on our blog. As always, Sawyer is on a mission to help children discover their own love of learning and find joy and wonder in life. We hope our articles help you and your family grow and thrive.

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