Are you stuck in a negative loop with your child over screens? Take back your life and your child’s increasingly vegetative state by shaking things up and recommitting to screen limits as a family. And yes, that means you, too! Create rules you can stick with like no phones at the dinner table, no iPads in the bedroom, TV only on the weekends, and/or screens for 30 minutes once homework is done. 

But simply creating rules and sticking with limiting screens isn’t quite enough, is it? Because then you have this void, this small recreational chasm that needs to be filled. While no one expects you to become Mary Poppins or Martha Stewart with perfectly curated craft activities overnight, you will need to replace that abundance of screen time with a bit more of something else. There will need to be proactive measures that reinforce the joy of a non-screen-oriented lifestyle. Finding screen-less joy together is as important as limiting the screens themselves. 

5 things you can do with your child to decrease screen time at home and bring the fun of connecting with each other back into the equation

1. Cook together

Cooking with your child can be a bit of work but if you need to make the meal anyway, bring them in on the action. There are so many benefits of cooking with kids. It is a sensory rich experience complete with language learning opportunities, math exposure, fine motor skill practice, and the sharing of cultural or family traditions. When you think back to your own childhood you may realize that cooking, and those amazing olfactory memories, readily present themselves. Cooking and baking are comforting and meaningful experiences for children and parents alike and are an amazing bonding experience.

2. Set up play materials wherever YOU are

Because, ultimately, your child just wants to be near you. 

Sure, cooking with your child sounds great, but you are all too busy/have jobs that don’t allow for a ton of messy, together time during the week. We get it. This is so real for so many families these days. In this case, find some time on a weekend to set up some play stations around the house. Think about which rooms you are in the most and make those the rooms that you create play stations in. Some examples:

• A picnic blanket in your room set up with snacks, a tea party set, and some stuffed animals in a basket for while you are getting ready to go out in the early evening and your child just wants to be near you. Pack it all in a bin and keep it on a high shelf in your closet that you can break out when needed.
• A book-making station in your office or wherever you are at the computer working. This could look like a cart on wheels that rolls up to your desk so you can sit at one end of your desk and your child at the other with their cart of supplies. In the cart you’d have paper, a hole puncher, book rings, pencils, crayons, tape, scissors, stapler, or whatever age-appropriate book making materials you can wrangle. Or if your desk won’t accommodate that setup, add a small child sized table in the corner of the room where they can have their own desk to work near you.  
• A play dough tray in the kitchen. Don’t have it out all the time, just bring it out as needed. Have a small rolling pin, cookie cutters, beads and play dough on a tray that you can bring out during the busy kitchen transitions that we all know so well.

3. Do chores as activities

Do something necessary but do it together! Include your child when you are folding laundry, decorating for the holidays, writing thank you notes, building a grocery list, organizing the toy closet, raking or weeding, washing the car, grooming the pet, and so much more! Harvard did a well-known 75-year study that showed that children who participated in household chores developed a strong work ethic and were more successful later in life. By taking a necessary house chore and making it a light and fun activity, you are spending quality time with your child, instilling a sense of responsibility and independence, and getting things done on the home front all at once.

4. Read together

Creating a bedtime routine that includes reading together is hugely beneficial and very regulating for children as they settle down for a night’s sleep. The benefits include language development, strengthening cognitive skills like memory and concentration as well as bonding and an overall sense of emotional well-being, development of social-emotional skills like empathy and perspective taking, and increasing school readiness. Start your baby off with one or two little board books each night as part of their bedtime routine, move from there to picture books, and then to chapter books and book series. Don’t forget to periodically return to picture books, both new ones and old favorites, for comfort and enjoyment.

5. Start a hobby together

Backgammon, painting, gardening, or tinkering are all options, but the best option is something you will truly enjoy doing with your child. Perhaps there is something you used to do before you had children that you had to set aside for a time. Maybe now is the time to bring back that musical beat making or photography and scrapbooking passion project or get out the old telescope. Step back and think about what you and your child have in common. Chances are there will likely be a few things you’d both be excited to roll up your sleeves and get into together

These little side steps away from screens require both time and a decent amount of tact on you, the parent or caregivers, part. 

Tips to help you get started

1. Establish the screen time limits separately from the replacement activity. It’s obviously not going to go over very well if you say, you can’t use your iPad for hours on end this evening, instead we are going to fold some laundry. You are going to have to have established the rules and screen time boundaries on one, or several, occasions, and then later another day, have the alternate activity just “naturally “ occur, away from any screen discussions.

2. In general, don’t ask your child if they would like to do the alternate activity with you.  Just have the rakes out and ask them to help you. Sweeten the deal with some warm cider and put some of their favorite tunes on outside. Set it up and start doing it, make it easy for them to join. They will without a doubt say “No” if you ask before it’s all set up and happening.

3. Start with what they love. Start with things you know they will enjoy doing. In other words, don’t make your foray into home bonding activities about house chores if you know they have a strong aversion to helping around the house. Sure, eventually you want their help around the house, but decreasing screen time is the first hurdle, make that feel doable before taking on more. Make it fun and easy.

Making the decision to introduce more non-screen activities at home will grow your child’s independence, help decrease stress and anxiety, and deepen your bond with each other. As is always the case, give yourself grace. Do not beat yourself up about your child’s screen time. You are doing your best. Your awareness and thoughtfulness on the topic is the first step to making gradual improvements that you can feel good about.