Bullying is an issue that most parents and children find themselves combatting at some point in their lives. According to research done by the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES) and Bureau of Justice, about 20% of children aged 12-18 experience bullying either online and in school.
It is important to note that these numbers are determined only from reported or witnessed incidences of bullying. In fact, the same NCES survey found that only 46% of bullied students notified an adult.
Unfortunately, instances of bullying are extremely harmful to children, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Research done by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that “students who experience bullying are at increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, lower academic achievement, and dropping out of school.”
Therefore, you might be wondering what to do if your child is being bullied in school, on the playground, or online. To help you feel comfortable and protect your child from these situations, we’ve outlined 5 things to say if your child encounters a bully or if other children are being mean. Plus, if you are looking to make sure these conversations are effective, check out our guide to help your children understand communication.
5 things to say if your child is being bullied
1. “What did you do?”
When your child reports that another child wasn’t nice to them, you have a choice. Your first option is to launch into a monologue about all of the reasons why that child might have done what they did. However, this will probably cause your child’s eyes to glaze over: no one likes being on the receiving end of a monologue.
Your second option is to empower your child and focus on what they did right. By bringing the focus back to them, you give them the opportunity to reflect on their response during tricky moments. You can also use this time to come up with additional responses that they can try out if this happens again.
2. “That must have been hard.”
It is important to empathize with your child, especially when they are experiencing painful like bullying. Parents often feel inclined to help make sense of a situation, or lessen the “ouch” by either explaining it away or minimizing it. But, your child is sharing something that made them feel sad, betrayed, or embarrassed. Be there with them for it. Later on, your child will experience bigger and harder things. This is the beginning of how they will know that you are there for them in an understanding way.
3. “It took courage to tell me.”
Acknowledge that it was brave of them to share their ordeal with you. Bullying is scary and sometimes children don’t want to share these negative situations with their parents. Therefore, it is important to let them know that they are brave for sharing their story with you and asking for your help.
4. “Who else can help?”
Remember when Mr. Rogers suggested to “look for the helpers” when scary things happened? Encourage your child to think about who they can count on at school. Is there someone they can stick with at recess or walk with in the hall that will make them feel more safe? Also, ask them to identify a trusted adult at school that they can turn to for help if they need it.
5. “Let’s practice”
Sometimes, and this isn’t always the case (you know your own child), your child may be misreading the situation. Do some social skill games that allow your child to practice reading body language. You can also role play different types of scenarios that may be happening to strengthen those social reaction muscles. Finally, you can work through some responses and mechanisms they can use if they experience bullying again.
If you notice that your child is experiencing bullying during virtual learning, check out our guide with information on how to stop it.
At Sawyer, we want every child to be happy, comfortable, and safe in school and outside of it. With these tips and tools, you should be able to have effective conversations with your child if they are experiencing bullying. Together, we can make the world a healthier and more wonder-full place.
